Get lucky in Kentucky

Written by: Craig
City: New York (but reporting on Kentucky)
Weather: Chilly today, but sunny for the first time! Probably around 5C, I reckons.

(this one's a bit long... I suggest getting a coffee first. Get me one too, yah? Swoit.)

Okay, I'm determined to catch up tonight, at least as far as cities go. We haven't had time to write up the wonderful time we had in Kentucky, and we've been in New York for four days! Streuth! So I'll write up the midwestern joy... RIGHT NOW!

Okay, so we left the Chakos family in Hobart, with fruit for the journey packed by Tom and DEADLY GOOMBAHS packed by Jan. Goombahs are like brownies, hedgehogs and Mars Bars ground together into a gooey, sweet, rich and AWESOMELY TASTY slice, thrown into a ziplock bag like the drug it is. I SAY HOORAH! We all have caramel instead of blood now -- it's like when that guy breathes gel instead of oxygen in The Abyss, only way tastier.

Anyway, Jordan in all his awesomeness drove us from Hobart to Lexington, Kentucky (5 hour drive; I slept and snored, it was like teleporting). Before settling into the town itself, Jordan took us to his favourite store, the Bass Pro Shop -- the biggest camping store we've ever seen.

Jordan, King of Bass Pro

It was in this store that we heard an amplified redneck fisherman implore his audience, "Take yer kids fishin'... our kids are our future, so PLEASE... take yer kids fishin..."

Then we met up with Jordan's brother Gene and his buddy Marshall, and they showed us the bohemian awesomeness that is Louisville, Kentucky! Truly a wonderful town, and for those foolish tourists out there (LIKE US), we must stress that it's pronounced "LOO-A-VOO". It's not "Loo-ee-vill" or "Loo-us-vill". Pretend you're Rambo in his "The shoebox exploded, my buddy was all over me ("th-zhoo baahg splode, ma baah waah all ov'mee!") scene, and you'll say "LOO-A-VOO" just fine. Here are the lads, when we stopped for a beer!

Marshall, Gene, Jordan, and BEER CHEESE (with Jalapenos)

After hitting a wonderful bookshop, coffee shop, record shop and bar (just to convince us that this town ROCKS), we went home for some chilling before hitting the local Maker's Mark bar (bourbon is what Kentucky is all about!) And then we hit a drag show. The main attraction was a man dressed as Tina Turner. Like the real Tina Turner, only more feminine. Bam.


And here's a bumper sticker we saw before seeing a guy and a girl interacting in the carpark. But enough of that, here's the bumper sticker!


The next morning, we woke up to peculiar excitement... coz we knew that Jordan was taking us SHOOTIN'!!! Yes indeed, we went out to a shooting range and shot pistols, rifles AND MORE in the loudest cacophany of crazy shenanigans we've yet encountered. It was a bit overwhelming at first, but was awesome fun (and slightly mind-messin'!) in no time. Our fave was the clay target shooting with shotguns -- which is Jordan's championship-winning specialty. :) Here are photos to prove the madness!

Imagine if THIS were David Hicks' photo that appeared on the news every second night...

Crystal, with the bowling pin that'll think twice about crossing her again

PULL!!!

Yes, for $10 and some ammo, they let us all shoot AN AK-47, UNSUPERVISED. I may weep.

After shooting like FOO-ELLS and worrying about gunpowder residue setting off a bunch of alarms in our future, we all drove down to Lexington, Kentucky to visit more of the family. Unfortunately, Jordan's mum and dad couldn't make it, but we at least got to see his sister Ellen (what is it with all the Chakos-type ladies being GORGEOUS???) and her boyfriend Ben. We had a crackin' tour of Lexington and took some pics... here are some of them!

Riding the metal statues. Piles and piles of cold-night-sitting-on-metal fun!

Ellen and Crystal, kickin it Lexington style

Junk food of the day... KEEE LAAAAAHM PAAAAAAH (as Ellen would say in her awesome accent that we loved). It's 'Key Lime Pie' to the rest of us. And delicious, oh mamma.

And finally, to wrap up, the next morning Jordan ONCE AGAIN drove us round like the freeloading sunsamabeetches we are and the awesome host he is, and took us to the airport at Louisville. Marshall had warned us about the Greyhound bus trip we were going to do, saying that they always miss one of the three connecting buses, and you never make the plane at the end. So we flew a rickety, small plane (eeep!) and got to Chicago again, changed planes for New York and HERE WE ARE!

Phew, Crystal can fill you in on THOSE details tomorrow. For now, I'm off to bed, the cold is finally leaving. Booyah!

Hope all are well and happy,

Craig.